I want love

Not just any kind
Not that shallow, washed up,
“We bonded ‘cuz we’re drunk” kind.
I. Want. Love. 
I want a love that will make me weep,
A love that goes beyond meaning.
I want a love that will leave me silent,
Because it’s existence is beyond reason.
I want a love that will leave me shocked,
For it’s magnitude is almost surreal.
I. Want. Love.
I want a love that will laugh with me
And cry with me
And pray with me
Stay beside me
I want a love that will take all of me
Every single piece of me.
And treasure the very essence
That makes me me.
I want a love that will be awkward with me.
Giggle, trip, and be weird with me.
Philosophize without fear with me.
I. Want. Love.
I want a love that will treasure me
Support me, and be head over me
Both walk with me, and lead me.
I. Want. Love.

I want a love whose capacity is magnificent.
A love who’s value goes beyond meaning.
A love which feels no need to state its glory
A love whose essence is its glory.
A love whose very composue
Whose anatomic structure
Matches, with wreckless abandon
The love I’d give it back…

After all is said and done,
And my heart has rambled on and on,
At the end of the day
The truth still remains that
I
Want
Love.

——————-
Phew. That was a mouthful. This desire for love has come with a couple of true-life revelations. My desire for love is like a male teen’s desire for sex…I lust after it, but I’ve learned that desperation won’t help me find it. I’ve learned that it’s not instant, like the movies and TV told me it was (which is a whole other topic in and of itself). I’ve learned that if I try and look for it, or force it, or chase after it, I’ll probably never find it.

So at this point in my life, I’ve become complacent with riding the waves, seeing what opportunities may float near me, and rambling on my tumblr with rickety prose about my desire for love.

It’s Like…

Something
Broke.
Yes, that’s it.
Something broke.
Ethereal matter,
Torn asunder;
Quick shatter.

And though the gear
Was stuck
The wheel kept right on
Turning.
The wheel
Just kept on spinning
With little regard
For the rusty old gear
That had exploded
Within itself. 

————————-

Hello, poetry. It’s been a while. 

I Wish
My Heart
Wasn’t So
broken.

10 Ways to Love Others

Some guidelines for loving:

1. Tell them about their brilliance. They likely can’t see it and they don’t know its immensity, but you can see it, and you can illuminate it for them.

2. Be authentic, and give others the gift of the real you and a real relationship. Ask your real questions. Share your real beliefs. Go for your real dreams. Tell your truth.

3. Don’t confuse “authenticity” with sharing every complaint, resentment, or petty reaction in the name of “being yourself.” Meditate, write, or do yoga to work through anxiety, resentment, and stress on your own so you don’t hand off those negative moods to everyone around you. Sure, share sadness, honest dilemmas, and fears, but be mindful: don’t pollute.

4. Listen, listen, listen. Don’t listen to determine if you agree or disagree. Listen to get to know what is true for the person in front of you. Get to know an inner landscape that is different from your own, and enjoy the journey. Remember that if, in any conversation, nothing piqued your curiosity and nothing surprised you, you weren’t really listening.

5. Don’t waste your time or energy thinking about how they need to be different.  Really. Chuck that whole thing. Their habits are their habits. Their personalities are their personalities. Let them be, and work on what you want to change about you—not what you think would be good to change about them.

6. Remember that you don’t have to understand their choices to respect or accept them.

7. Don’t conflate accepting with being a doormat or betraying yourself. Let them be who they are, entirely. Then, you decide what you need, in light of who they are. Do you need to make a direct request that they change their behavior in some way? Do you need to take care of yourself better? Do you need to set a boundary or to change the relationship? Take care of yourself well, without holding anyone else in contempt.

8. Give of yourself, but never sacrifice or compromise yourself. Stop if resentment is building and retool. Don’t do the martyr thing. It helps no one and nothing.

9. Remember that everyone you encounter was created by divine intelligence and has an important role to play in the universe. Treat them as such.

10. If you want to keep growing emotionally and spiritually for the rest of your life, accept this as your mantra and try to live as if it were true: Everything that I experience from another human being is either love, or a call for love.

What steps do you take to love others?

[Beat]

Quickly, he hangs up the phone.
And upon that triple beat, the iPhone’s pleat
I realize that
I
Am not happy
With the outcome
Of this conversation. 

My thoughts begin flying
In rapid succession
Silently praying and inherently wailing
And the only question
I repeat in my head
Is
What
Can I do
To save myself? 

What am I desperate enough
To do
To save myself? 

Loveless Girl, Always Searching

Just a friend
Never lover.
Never lover.
Never love her.
Not this one
But another.
But another.
But another.
Always shallow
Always digging.
Always digging.
Always digging.
Giving love
Not receiving.
Not receiving.
Not receiving.
Simple pleasures
For the asking
Lost desires
Hopeless taxing
Give your heart
To the beating
For the beating
Always bleeding.

Thought this might speak to someone. Or could just be my thoughts all a’jumble while I be sleep deprived. Snoring is of the essence in moments like this. Pray (a lost art) then sleep, yeah?

G’nite.

Update: Poetry Slam in Chicago this Thursday!!! 18th street, 7p! Ayyyyy!!! (Haven’t decided if I’m performing yet though…)